Our reader David Black has collected some of the best on-stage Gillanisms from over the years, and here we present them to you with a little judicious editing from everyone involved. Oh, we’d love to be the flies on the wall of the train of Gillan’s thought.

Knockin’ at Your Back Door — Knebworth 1985

This one-I’d like to tell you about this song, I really would, but unfortunately the whole content of the song is illegal-as well as every single word in it, every comma, whatever. There’s not, there is not a single, single word or note in the song which is obeying any law at all. It goes like this…

Strange Kind of Woman — Long Beach 1971

About six months ago we started recording a new album and the second track we finished on it was something we’re going to do now. It was released as a single in Europe, and it’s on the album over here. It’s a story about a prostitute and a friend of ours – it’s a relationship which was so extraordinary and turned out to be such a drag that we wrote a song about it. It’s called Strange Kind Of Women.

Strange Kind of Woman — BBC 1972

This was actually a true story and we thought very profound. It was about a friend of ours who got mixed up with an evil woman, and it’s a sad story. They got married in the end and a few days after they got married the lady died.

Strange Kind of Woman — Knebworth 1985

We’re going to do some of the older songs here tonight as well as some of the new ones. We’ve all been doing different things over the last 10 years. Personally, I’ve been studying languages and have become something of a cunning linguist, in fact I’m known as a master of many tongues. So tonight, I’d like to introduce each song in a different language — this one in French. This is the story of somebody we met outside the Turkish embassy some years ago, and she had terrible problems with her arthritis. In French this is called e-hoh-e-hohn strange kind of woman.

Speed King — Knebworth 1985

This is the saddest, most miserable, depressing, agonising song we ever wrote. In fact, we only ever played this song once because we were so depressed after we played it, we all went out and decided not to do it again. This song is about a seed. It fell into a stony path. And, in fact, it grew in the rocks and the filth and everything else. It’s certainly the most depressing song I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s very slow, it’s a ballad designed to bring you to your knees.

Perfect Strangers — Knebworth 1985

The way this song was inspired, there’s a weird story behind this. A story about a football team who got thrown out of their league for playing and drinking and all that sort of thing. So they sat down in a little stadium in a small town, and they used to play games away, and they were known as the Rangers, and in fact the street where they had this little stadium was called Perfect Street. So that’s the story behind this song. It’s about a football team called the Perfect Street Rangers.

Perfect Strangers – Budokan 16th May 1985

I’d like to give you the alternative introduction to Perfect Strangers. I knew you’d been gasping for it. The side street from Kaiser Wilhelm Strasse is called Perfect Strasse and there’s a place down there which is perfectly horrid, and it makes everyone furious. In fact, in angers people. So, it’s called Perfect Strasse Angers.

Blues — Budokan 16th May 1985

What we need to know is a huge mass of pink just to sort of flop down over our heads. But in the absence of that — here’s a great wodge of Blues for you.

Smoke on the Water — Made in Japan

Here’s a song, that’s also from the last album. It tells the story of how we recorded it and what went wrong when we did it. Happened in Switzerland, and it’s a song called Smoke on the Water, this one.

Demon’s Eye – Rockford 2005

This next song is… well, how can I describe it… It’s the result of a vindaloo curry and the complete lack of sphincter tincture after a sixteen-hour ride on a bus. It’s called Demon’s Eye.

Mary Long – Hong Kong 2001

Long time ago we were bedevilled by injustices and intolerance. There were two people in England particularly who used to get right up our collective noses, Mary Whitehouse and Lord Longford, who didn’t like above anything else nudity and coarse humour. Well, fuck ‘em. So, we got pissed off and wrote this song – it’s a little collage of their intentions and ours called Mary Long

The Mule – Tokyo 2014

And now this is not what you think at all, it’s not about little furry creatures with sharp little nails, blind, underground connections. It’s none of those, it’s actually… [Little Ian crashes in to stop Big Ian talking about moles]

Mandrake Root — Aachen 1970

If you don’t feel too cold, we want you to get all your gear off. Take all your clothes off and let it all hang down to your knees and everything like that. I mean, there’s no one around and the fuzz are all out the back. So, get it all off and be very rude. Here’s a filthy rude song. It’s diabolically rude, so if you feel like getting your diabolicallies out, let’s do it. It’s a thing called Mandrake Root.

Woman From Tokyo – Budokan 1985

I have to explain that Woman From Tokyo is a love song. It’s not about one woman, it’s a love song about Japan.

Lazy – BBC 1972

Bit of silence please for a bit of authentic rhythm and blues.

Anyone’s Daughter – Stockholm 1993

This song was written one of the dark evenings when my trousers weren’t heavy enough and my belt loops were jangling.

Twist in the Tale – Stockholm 1993

This one’s is about the one little pig. Just the one…

Talk About Love – Stockhlom 1993

This song is from the new record [in mock French accent] ze Battle Rages On, and the song is all about the itch with no name. You can find it in your trousers.

The Well Dressed Guitar – Rotterdam 2000

What we’d like to do now is, something as I’m making this announcement, Steve is actually writing this song which we’re going to do tonight with the strings and orchestra. Just a moment to distribute the music by arrgghh… osmosis. There you go. It’s a thing called the Well Dressed Guitar.

Bananas – Berlin 2003

There was one day when our producer Michael Bradford had to go to the East coast, and we were left alone in the studio, and the band went insane, and we ended up with this. It’s in 7/4 and 5/4 which is an interesting combination. It’s called ba-ba-ba-bananas.

Almost Human – Melbourne 1999

This is a song dedicated entirely to, in the first part, that familiar thing that happens when you get on a sticky part in the pub – there’s a bit of beer on the floor, and you get stuck to the floor – which is the basic inspiration for the song and the second part is about the next day, round about midday when you have your first one and feel almost human. And that’s what it’s called – Almost Human.

Lazy – Stockholm 1985

There once was a very much bent pair,
a tea-leaf and one who just went there,
He’d take out his badge,
Say I’m licensed to snadge,
All the bikes outside Tesco’s in Edgeware.

House of Pain – Berlin 03

Here’s one and there’s another one up there. This is all about our manager. It’s dedicated to the management company in Connecticut and its brilliant skills of middle management communication, and it’s called the House of Pain.

Into the Fire – Stockholm 1970

This next thing is like rock and roll as well but rock and roll with its trousers down. Rock and roll back to front, inside out, whatever you like. Changed it around a little bit, it’s a little slower. If you can count eight, you can just about keep up. It’s called Into the Fire.

Special Mention – Jon Lord & Roger Glover – The Highlander — South African Radio 1995

JL: “You got to imagine that one with Ian Paice thundering away in the background and…”
RG: “Ian Gillan thundering away in the background.”

Post scriptum

Some of your humble editor’s favourite Gillanisms form the Caramba Wordography section.

Dislocated

Sometimes the strength of a word in a rock song is not so much it’s meaning as it’s sound; the percussive value for example, or it’s syllabic sympathy in terms of meter and melody etc. Overall, of course, the lyrics have a story to tell, a message to convey or a meaningless stream of drivel to offer. I would like to start with the last category as it is the most fun.

No Laughing in Heaven

My perception of Heaven has always been a bit jaundiced. When I consider the likely incumbents, the prospect is just horrific. Everywhere I look people are murdering each other in the name of some god or other.

Uhm, we were going to offer more examples, but Caramba — in its infinite wisdom — after asking me thrice to prove I’m not a robot finally decided that I failed in doing so. How twistfully ironic…