Since the first collection seemed to go down well, the inimitable aficionado of Gillanisms David Black has sent us another one. No Staffordshire bull terriers were harmed while preparing this for publication. Or so we’re told.
Smoke On The Water — Nobody’s Perfect
This may seem like a devilish ploy, but it’s one way to bring the proceedings to an end.
Hard Lovin’ Women – Pforzheim 1987
This is a little folk song. Actually, genuinely, this song is about nothing to do with anything apart from tits. Nothing to do with the person attached to them or anything. An entity, I mean, give them a fair shake. Let’s be fair. It’s called ‘Hard… (band kicks in Gillan’s pause) …Lovin’ Women’
Knockin’ At Your Backdoor (clarification) – Paris, 1985
One thing I ought to tell you before we go any further. In case you got the wrong impression earlier on. When we were doing Knockin’ At Your Backdoor and I was talking about nice slippery bums and all that, anal sex and everything else. Heaven forbid that you got the wrong idea. What I was talking about was good old upright Christian heterosexual buggery as opposed to the other kind.
Perfect Strangers – Nobody’s Perfect – Irving Meadows, 1987
Untold crimes. They used to asphyxiate people with a bunch of cohorts. It’s named after him in fact, and it’s called Perfect Stranglers
The Unwritten Law – Irving Meadows, 1987
The inspiration for this song we found in a bowl of entrails of a barely dead Staffordshire bull terrier. We did. Jon wasn’t there. It’s a thing called the Unwritten Law.
Bad Attitude – Budapest, 1987
It’s a new song from the new album, and it’s deadly serious, so shut up. It’s called Bad Attitude.
Dead Or Alive – Stockholm, 1987
This one’s all about what you shouldn’t be doing with hard drugs. It’s an anti-cocaine, anti-smack, anti-whatever. It’s a serious story. It’s a gentle ballad called Dead Or Alive
The Unwritten Law – Kalamazoo, 1987
While recently examining the entrails of a Staffordshire bull terrier we discovered the secret of diseases, and it’s not only coughs and sneezes, but it’s also an unwritten law. That’s the title of this song. It’s called don’t give people what you got in the first place. Staffordshire bull terriers, entrails, diseases. That’s what this song is about. The Unwritten Law.
Child In Time – Budokan, 1973
— It’s an old one, a great favourite of ours.
— (possibly Ian Paice) Oh no, it’s not.
— Oh yes, it is. Did you understand that? Have you ever been to a pantomime? It’s called Child In Time.
Talk About Love – Nancy, 1993
Thank you very much. Just sitting here thinking about Jamie Lee Curtis. Practising my overture and what I wanted her to do with my neck. Here’s one that make you go ooh! It’s called Talk About Love. Ooh!
Twist In The Tale – Nancy, 1993
Here’s another one about Jamie Lee Curtis, and it’s all about her tail.
Lazy – BBC In Concert 2017
This is from a long while ago. It was on a windy day, actually, and she was walking down in front of us. She leant forward into the wind, and I could see her nib-nubs rising above her wellies, closely guarded by four perfect tendons. The like of which you won’t see better this side of Wembley. And then she licked her lips lasciviously, and I thought I’ll do the same.
All I Got Is You – BBC IN Concert 2017
That was a few marching tunes to get us going, now time for a little light jazz with a few involuntary avant-garde passages about two disgruntled flat mates.
The Surprising – BBC IN Concert 2017
Beware of the chair that isn’t there, it’s a furniture illusion. If you ever squat on a chair that’s not, you’ll suffer some confusion. The monks of vine, crush the wine, get in on their smocks. It dribbles down their legs to their intoxicated socks…
(Don interrupts to start.)
Perfect Strangers – Osaka 1st night 1985
This is a story of an affair I had once with our manager’s dog. And has since had to have a hysterectomy because we weren’t truly matched. We still communicate with each other from time to time and I send her flowers, and I still point my finger in the right direction. This is very important when you’re thinking about the whole story because you have to bear in mind due to the underlying emotion. It’s called Perfect Strangers
Under The Gun – Osaka 1st night 1985
This is something that’s about the things that generally piss us off. Annoying things like god brothers, perpetrators of the worst crimes possible — like people who think they can leave stupid spotlights on during a laser show and everything else you can think of. This one in German is called — Under Ze Gun. Thank you.
Child In Time – Osaka 1st night 1985
This song was written in 1969 in a small room about half the size of this stage. Well, maybe four seventeenths or five seventeenths and a half. It’s stayed with us for a long time, and it’s called Child In Time.
Anyone’s Daughter – Birmingham, 1993
We now have the imminent arrivement, arrivement? arrivement, arrivement. The imminent arrival of a stool. Upon this tool will be sitting a person, here is a microphone and here is a pedal. This pedal will become a blur as the evening wears on. And I’d like to introduce our guest percussionist, Elton John.
Battle Rages On – Birmingham, 1993
A song about love and hate and how hate always seems to come out on top.
Space Truckin’ – Birmingham, 1993
A little, a little err, a little – what was it? — a little Rock and Roll, that’s right. A little Rock & Roll. Nice Bristols, see the tits on that, Rog? Corrgh.
Smoke On The Water – Genoa, 1973
Just over a year ago now we were in Montreux in Switzerland recording the Machine Head album and this tells the story, this song of the burning down of the casino in Montreux while we were there and all the other silly things, insignificant things that happened while we were there. Actually, basically it’s about the burning down of Claude Nobs. We tied his elbows together behind his back, so I think it’s chest Nobs – if you don’t believe that, then I’ve nothing else to say. It’s called Smoke On The Water, this one.
Mary Long – Genoa, 1973
Here’s one now, it’s a new thing off our platter out at the moment. It’s all about an evil situation in England which we’re trying to put to rights. And it’s basically about doing away with people like Colin Hart and that sort of person. It’s a thing called Mary Long.
Space Truckin’ – Osaka 1973
Here’s a song you can fiddle about in your trousers to.
Battle rages on – Stockholm 1993
Here’s a song about love and hate. And how, over the years, over the times, hate always seems to win.